Not just once, but twice or more we feel ourself snuck in a contraption. A boundary line which we fraught to cross but somehow fail to do so! We constantly try to push ourselves away from this, but we end up enduring into this dilemma. Relationships! Or rather an illusion manufacturing business, The constant fray of making promises. The promises which has puddles of unbearable truth.
You want her! You want her to be yours but you don’t want to be her. You can’t gather courage to hold her hand and at the same time you don’t want her to be someone’s else. And pretty cruelly every night it’s you who say her ‘I love you’, confusing it’s beautiful meaning with lust. She had real feelings. Maybe or may not be and that’s why she kept coming again and again to you, no literal matter of how much you hurt her. The hallucinations about love is high, that people often confuse between wanting and needing.
We often let them have the monopoly on the playing business, ending up hurting ourselves. No one is blaming you, the blame is on blind trust you keep on bestowing. But at some point of life you need to realise that some shadows came your way to teach you, and probably not grow with and as long as you won’t let them go you ain’t growing. You ain’t becoming better!